I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
