Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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