fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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