hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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