....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
