I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
