Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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