I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
