what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
