Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have fence marks all over my body
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
