the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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