Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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