Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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