You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
