Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
