Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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