If that was your dad, he is hot
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
