Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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