I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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