Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
