I think i peed on brittanys purse
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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