Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I will be naked everywhere
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
