he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.