Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?

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  (917): If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I? http://tfl.nu/azfj
  Replies (10) Good night (754) Bad night (1306)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.

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  (423): Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/w5j3
  Replies (37) Good night (4277) Bad night (1165)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar

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  (484): I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar http://tfl.nu/nsmi
  Replies (20) Good night (1554) Bad night (6044)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.

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  (405): I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine. http://tfl.nu/ew02
  Replies (8) Good night (3364) Bad night (1215)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..

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  (401): He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity.. http://tfl.nu/e3ua
  Replies (16) Good night (2291) Bad night (4935)
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  (916): View more from California

  The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.

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  (916): The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood. http://tfl.nu/ro5l
  Replies (9) Good night (5259) Bad night (1541)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  why is my forehead so bruised?

  (1+61): View more from

  i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.

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  (+61): why is my forehead so bruised? (1+61): i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms. http://tfl.nu/t9yj
  Replies (6) Good night (2462) Bad night (820)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.

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  (585): Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle. http://tfl.nu/a803
  Replies (3) Good night (996) Bad night (537)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.

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  (520): This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings. http://tfl.nu/9nj8
  Replies (6) Good night (1902) Bad night (594)
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  (626): View more from California

  My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.

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  (626): My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza. http://tfl.nu/x0uu
  Replies (7) Good night (948) Bad night (564)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?

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  (908): I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember? (610): Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead? http://tfl.nu/yv69
  Replies (13) Good night (1400) Bad night (627)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.

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  (+61): Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me. http://tfl.nu/7l1e
  Replies (2) Good night (809) Bad night (413)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.

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  (214): In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman. http://tfl.nu/e6dh
  Replies (0) Good night (757) Bad night (374)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going

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  (847): Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going http://tfl.nu/u26z
  Replies (0) Good night (456) Bad night (223)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"

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  (281): I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop" http://tfl.nu/oaao
  Replies (0) Good night (368) Bad night (163)

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