All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.