Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.

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  (614): Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child. http://tfl.nu/h3yl
  Replies (22) Good night (3498) Bad night (910)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.

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  (919): dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets. http://tfl.nu/v2g2
  Replies (40) Good night (4860) Bad night (796)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions

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  (330): You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions http://tfl.nu/rnwr
  Replies (7) Good night (3516) Bad night (1156)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..

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  (843): He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex.. http://tfl.nu/g01t
  Replies (17) Good night (5072) Bad night (641)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

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  (815): Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat. http://tfl.nu/tzy1
  Replies (15) Good night (4287) Bad night (1826)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

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  (313): So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college. http://tfl.nu/hsa9
  Replies (4) Good night (3146) Bad night (941)
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  (650): View more from California

  Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.

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  (650): Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot. http://tfl.nu/jbjf
  Replies (8) Good night (3068) Bad night (769)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?

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  (605): just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl? http://tfl.nu/v0ft
  Replies (10) Good night (5119) Bad night (800)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

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  (970): Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms? http://tfl.nu/dduo
  Replies (4) Good night (2725) Bad night (1179)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.

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  (810): my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities. http://tfl.nu/947a
  Replies (12) Good night (2371) Bad night (603)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.

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  (202): Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay. http://tfl.nu/iy0k
  Replies (10) Good night (587) Bad night (1932)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle

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  (513): It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle http://tfl.nu/f7n7
  Replies (3) Good night (972) Bad night (301)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.

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  (815): After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin. http://tfl.nu/me1g
  Replies (3) Good night (957) Bad night (464)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.

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  (406): I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest. http://tfl.nu/pzd0
  Replies (8) Good night (355) Bad night (585)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.

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  (816): It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older. http://tfl.nu/1vux
  Replies (9) Good night (215) Bad night (532)

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