Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.