It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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