what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
