Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize