I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am available for nakedness
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
