I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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