"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
