Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
