i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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