I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
