WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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