Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
