Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
