I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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