it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
