do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
