You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
