Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
