Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
