Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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