Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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