The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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