i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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