just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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