well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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