I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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