i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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