mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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