I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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