You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
