Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
