He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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