Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
