he wants to bone in the snuggie
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
