erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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