I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
