Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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