I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
