hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
