so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
