and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
