he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
