some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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