He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
