I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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