Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
