i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
