Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
