my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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