also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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