Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
